10 Page Comedic Play
“Remember the name”
Written by
Lola Draper
Int. 5th Grade Classroom: Last day of school. ½ of the kids are crying, the other half screaming and running around
Miss Medrano
EVERYONE IN THE HALLWAY NOW
Knox (Breaks fourth wall)
No you may be wondering how we got to this point? The point of Miss Medrano’s last straw, Susie Lous hair debacle and the stink bomb for the books. Let's rewind. I'm Knox. I’m an awesome six grader in the midst of these fifth grade cry babies. They held me back because I didn't pass the test to go into middle school, but next year I am there and not with all these losers. Back with my friends. I'm gonna be a golden star student in detention, total hunk and classified class clown and this is how i am making a name for myself.
Ext. School hallway before class right before the bell rings
Knox
So Susie what are you gonna do this summer
Susie
Me and Millie are going to live at the mall and YOUR not invited Snots
Knox
Whatever Susie Loony Bin you don't own the mall
Susie
No I don't but Millie said Sally has a cousin who is dating the security guard so I have confections
Knox
As if! You forget I am going into 6th grade. Middle school.
Susie
And you forget that I am too. Not everyone gets held back Knocks Knocks Goose. Hopefully you passed the entrance exam
Knox
WhAtEver I totally aced that
Susie
Great! Maybe there will be people gross enough to hangout with you at Seaford so We won't have to endure you anymore
*proud of her vocabulary skills*
2 Random little girls show up standing behind her
Yeeeeaaaahhhhh!
Knox
Whatever
Int. Them walking into class
Miss Medrano
Come in, butts in seats, i repeat butts in seats. I know the last day of school is very exciting and youre all excited about the class party, but I need attendance so i need those butts in seats!
Knox
Hey Colin you heard her ass down in class.
Colin
Righteo my ass will sit down in this class!
Miss Medrano
Language boys please
Knox
My apologies
Miss Medrano
Thank you.
Okay. Jessica
Here
Madison
Here
Brianna
Here Miss M!
Jonah
Here
Lucas
Here
Yasmeen
Here
Jason
Here
Susie Lou
Here!
Colin is here..
Yes Ma’am
And so is Knox…
Knox
Knock Knock Miss M
Miss M
Not now Knox
Knox
Aw Come on Miss M. It's the last day of school soon you're going to miss me
Miss M
Oh if only you knew. Fine. Who is there Knox
Knox
Weekend
Miss Medrano
Weekend who
Knox
Weekend do whatever we want! Hit It C.Lo!
Colin pulls out a speaker and starts blasting Party Rock Anthem By LMFAO and turns off the lights. Knox stands on the desk with his phone flashlight
Knox
Ladies and Gents Boys and girls are you READYYYYY.
Silence
Miss Medrano
Knoxville Pearson Get down from there
Knox
Oh Ive only just begun
Miss Medrano goes to turn on the lights, there is a booby trap and she trips through the door for colin to lock her out
Colin
Sorry Ma’am Dont tell my mom. Class party is now under Pg-13
Miss Medrano
Both of you boys let me in RIGHT NOW
Knox
Close the blind colin
Music is too loud for colin to hear
Colin
What?!
Knox
CLOSE THE BLIND.
Colin
What?!
Knox
Oh jesus fuck my god.
*Points to kids desk he is now standing on*
Hey breadstick. Go close the blind.
Colin jumps on a table and turns on his flashlight. Class windows make it not that dark anyway
Knox
Walking around on the desks
Alright where was I? Ah, school. School is now coming to an end. Meaning It is time for me to move up and onward. I have had such a great time with you this year. NOT.
Random Kid
YOU SUCK
Knox
No, your mom does. Constantly. And probably not to your dad because they are getting a divorce. Boom Roasted. Back to my point. It is time for summer and that means mushing all the time.
Susie Lou
What's mushing
Knox
Dictionary Definition. Mushing. Mooshu. Mush.
Mush on the beach mooshu with you sue, ya know mushing.
Colin
Dude I dont think thats a real word
Knox
ITS MUSHING. WhAtEveR I am not explaining mushing to you.
Knox
“Breadstick”
I want to mush
Knox
Well you probably can't. You look like a breadstick. That would be a mushed breadstick and no one wants that.
“Breadstick”
Aw
Knox
BACK TO MY POINT
This summer is going to be unreal, but I wanted to start of with a sha-bang. So thanks for the laughs. Sign my yearbook and suck my
Knox then throws what was meant to be a Snap Popper/ smoke bomb but actually is a stink bomb
He then starts shuffling from desk to desk dancing
Jonah
What is that smell
Susie Lou
OW KNOX MY HAIR. GET OFF
Knox’s shuffling lead him to be stepping on Susie Lous hair
Knox
Oh my god sorry
As he tries to jump to the next desk, he rips a chunk of her hair out. He had gum on the bottom of his shoe
Susie
OWWW.
She whips her head around
IS THAT? *Points to his shoe* MY HAIR
Jonah
Colin dude what was that it is starting to smell like SKUNK ASS in here
Colin
They were party snaps. Did they not snap?
Knox
I am so sorry susie lou i didn't mean to. Here have it back
Susie
Now sobbing
MY HAIRRRR.
Jonah
No dude it didn't. Oh my fuck Colin it smells like booty in here
Colin
Oh my god they must have been stink bombs
Susie Lou and her friends are now all sobbing about her hair, together
Knox
Jonahs just being sensitive, they popped and it doesn't even smell that bad. Breadstick probably just farted or something
Breadstick
I didnt fart…
Knox
Sure ya did. Shit colin they were definitely stink bombs. Open the windows.
Colin goes to open the windows, but they open about a half inch. Miss Medrano comes back to the door with the principal and starts banging. Kids are now gagging and screaming about the smell.
Random Kid
My EYES it smells so bad I can't see
Jonah
You guys, I think I'm gonna barf.
Proceeds to barf on Susie Lou’s backpack
Susie
MY BACKPACK. MY HAIRRRRR. Knox you ruin everything why does this happen to meeeeeee
Colin
Dude Im opening the door im sorry
Goes and opens the door
Miss Medrano
EVERYONE IN THE HALLWAY NOW.